The Slow Blink and the Wagging Tail

The story

When a dog loves you, you usually know it. The whole body says so. The tail swings. The bottom wiggles. The ears go soft. And the dog bounds over as if you had been gone for a year, even if you only walked to the letterbox. Dogs come from a long line of animals that lived in close family groups, wolves, and living in a family group means saying loudly and often, you are my family and I am so glad you are here.

Scientists have even studied this closeness. In one well-known study, when some dogs and their people spent time gazing gently at each other, a warm bonding chemical rose inside BOTH of them, the very one that helps parents and babies feel close. Not every pair shows it. But in the ones that do, the dog gazes. The person melts. And around it goes, a little loop of closeness.

Cats are a different story, and this is where many people get cats wrong. Cats did not come from tight family groups. Their wild ancestors mostly hunted alone, quiet and careful. So cats never needed loud hellos. Their love-language is soft and small, and if nobody teaches you to read it, you can miss it completely.

Watch a cat who trusts you. It comes toward you with its tail standing straight up, like a little flag. That tail-up walk is a cat's friendly greeting, the way cats often approach friendly, familiar companions. If the cat presses its head or cheek against you, it is giving you a friendly, familiar rub, and leaving a little of its own scent on you, the sort of greeting cats share with their own circle.

And then there is the loveliest signal of all, the slow blink. A relaxed cat may look at you with soft eyes and let them fall closed in a long, lazy blink. Scientists tested this. When people offered cats a slow blink first, the cats were more likely to blink softly back, and more likely to come over. Those soft, half-closing eyes are thought to appear in calm, friendly moments, and researchers think the slow blink works as a friendly signal, something like saying, I feel calm and easy around you, though exactly why cats use it is still being studied.

So the dog shouts its love and the cat whispers it. Neither one loves more. They speak different languages, and their different wild pasts, the pack for one, the lone hunt for the other, may be part of the reason, along with everything each animal learns in its own life.

The next time you meet a friendly cat, try speaking cat. Sit quietly nearby. Look at it softly. Then give one long, slow, gentle blink. Then wait. If the cat answers you with a slow blink of its own, congratulations. The cat may well be answering with a friendly signal of its own, a lovely hint that this quiet moment, with you in it, feels comfortable.